Guilty not Remorseful

May. 23rd, 2026 10:22 am
rocky41_7: (dragon age)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Solavellanizing Never Love an Anchor again b/c like. come on.

On some level I think I always understood

That these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever

And I tried to do the best that I could

But try as I might I couldn't bring myself to hold you

For now the best gift I can offer is the truth. In another world...I can't, I'm sorry. Thus I freed the elven people--and in so doing, destroyed their world. But you lied to me. I loved you. Ir abelas, vhenan.

It’s a secret I keep tucked inside my chest

With this heart of mine that's guilty not remorseful

There is love that doesn't have a place to rest

But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders

What would you have had me say? That I was the great adversary of your people's mythology? I would have had you trust me. Regrets I cherish more than victories.

On some level I think I always understood

That a ship could never really love an anchor

So, I did the only thing that I could

And severed the rope to set you sailing from my harbor

I have distracted you from your duty. If he does not wish to be found, we will not find him. I wish it could, vhenan. It was selfish of me to grow close to her.

There are times when I still wonder about you

You are someone I have loved but never known

And you’ll never see the reasons I had

For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

I will never forget you. Dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. Perhaps when you read this the world will be as it once was, and you will see why all I did was necessary. But I lied to you. I betrayed you.

I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel

I am all the things they might have said to you

Fen'harel giggling madly in the darkness. I never said I would save you. You're Fen'harel. He's the god of lies, inquisitor. What would you have had me say? Did you really think I wouldn't have understood? What is the old curse? May the Dread Wolf take you? And so he did.

Do you ever think of me and my two hands

And wonder why they never soothed your fevers

And wonder why they never tied your shoes

And wonder why they never held you gently

And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

Tel abelas. I know you were cruelly disappointed when Solas left. Alone on the balcony. Every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing. Maybe I'm the prideful one. Imagining his broken heart so I never have to face my folly: that I loved someone who made such grave mistakes. It won't be terrible if I'm with you. Bellanaris.

 


Car Maintenance

May. 23rd, 2026 09:47 am
raytheraven: Original by weenwem (bg3-shadowhart-weenwem)
[personal profile] raytheraven

The anxiety about high gas prices is nowhere to be observed in the Toyota dealership I'm sitting in. Balloons, obnoxious music, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy", free snacks, many blinking lights, and a DJ. An older man looking at a truck, several people looking at cars. Perhaps some of these people are here to trade in for more fuel efficient models, which this company does sell some hybrid and EV models. That might be me if I hadn't just replaced my car nearly three years ago.

Instead, I'm waiting on mine to be repaired. They offer specials frequently on maintenance and its conveniently located, so I tend to take my car here for regular things. My car is not EV or hybrid, but is one of the more economic models when it comes to fuel consumption. I live in a place where EV charging is not readily available and live near dirt roads which can clog the battery cooling vents in an EV or hybrid. One of my family members had to get rid of their hybrid for a full gas model for that reason.

There are so many people here. Bless my noise cancelling headphones.

The increase in fuel prices has me anxious. My partner's theory is this is another part of the grift, make fuel more expensive by doing reckless things, do nothing to fix it, then who benefits? The major EV manufacturer here, Tesla. They've already made it nearly impossible to import BYD electric cars to the US by a 100% tariff. He thinks at some point they will start subsidizing Teslas. I'm not sure I agree because I think these people are too incompetent to pull something like that off.

Friday 5 on a Saturday

May. 23rd, 2026 10:24 am
raytheraven: (tarot: star spinner king of wands)
[personal profile] raytheraven

The Friday Five for 21 May 2026 in [community profile] thefridayfive

1. How long to you hope to live (to what age)?

I hope to live long enough to see my children into adulthood, at least until age 70.

2. Based on the lifespans of your grandparents and/or great-grandparents, what is your realistic lifespan?

If access to food, sanitation and medical care remains similar, I'll probably live until my 90s. I had a life shortening heart issue fixed two years ago. Per my surgeon it is a genetic issue and advised if I had siblings and/or children that they get screened regularly. I have some family who died really young seemingly out of nowhere in their late 40s / early 50s but given this was 50+ years ago, it was less uncommon for people to die younger and there is no way medical screening at the time would have caught it.

3. What is the average lifespan of people in your country?

Average life span in the United States is around 79 years.

4. At what age do you plan to retire (or did you retire)?

LOL, I fully expect not to be able to retire in this capitalist hellscape, working until my body just gives out. I am saving for retirement expecting social security to no longer exist, but even if it does it never pays enough to support rent and groceries at current rates.

5. What are your plans for retirement?

If I am able to retire, spending more time exploring the world on my own two feet. Maybe an artistic hobby like drawing or painting since these are skills I've let lapse and don't have the patience currently to relearn. Maybe learning an instrument.

why not? meme

May. 22nd, 2026 10:38 pm
althea_valara: Icon of Kara Thrace from Battlestar Galactica. (Starbuck)
[personal profile] althea_valara
stolen from [personal profile] senmut:

Comment with the name of a woman character (in any show, movie, book, comic, etc that you think I'm familiar with) and I'll tell you one thing I love about her. In return, you can do the same in your journal (if you like!).


some fandoms for you to choose from

video games


* Final Fantasy I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII (including Remake, Rebirth, Crisis Core, Advent Children), VIII, IX, X, a bit of X-2, XI, XII, XIII, XIII-2, XIV, XV, XVI
* Kingdom Hearts - whole series except for mobile games and that rhythm game they put out

TV series & Movies


* Star Trek: TNG, DS9, VOY... though it's been forever since I've seen them.
* Star Wars: episodes I through IX, and Rogue One, but I've only seen Rogue One once and)
* Battlestar Galatica, the rebooted series
* Doctor Who (2005 onwards to Peter Capaldi's reign, then I bounced off of it)
* Buffy the Vampire Slayer
* Angel
* FarScape (though it's been a long time)
* Highlander: the Series

Books & Comics


* Artemis Fowl
* Lord of the Rings
* Madeleine L'Engle's books, especially A Wrinkle in Time and its sequels, but also the Arm of the Starfish and A Ring of Endless Light
* Fray (comic series, based on Buffy)
* Fullmetal Alchemist
* Read or Die, both mangas and both the anime ROD:The TV and the OAV
* Fruits Basket

Do NOT ask about Harry Potter, I am no longer a fan and want nothing to do with the series.

There's probably more fandoms I'm forgetting, but those are the main ones.

Recent Reading: Pink Slime

May. 22nd, 2026 06:20 pm
rocky41_7: (Default)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Last night I finished book #18 from the “Women in Translation” rec list, which was Pink Slime by Fernanda Trias, translated from Spanish by Heather Cleary. Pink Slime is a dreamy nightmare of a novel set in the aftershocks of an ecological disaster as one woman struggles to hold onto her life.

Nothing is as it once was: society has been upended by the “red wind” that kills anyone caught in it; the narrator is divorced from the husband she first met in childhood; and she has left her job in journalism to work as a caretaker for a disabled young boy.

This is a reflective book; there is very little plot. It drifts between the narrator’s present, her memories of the past, and in some cases, a future-tense look at the next few minutes. She observes the ways the government tries to cover for the damage the red wind continues to do, and the way society continues to fracture. She continues to visit her ex-husband in the hospital, although his condition never changes. She continues to fight with her mother.

In some ways, Pink Slime is a story about someone trying to hold onto a life that is already gone. The narrator clings to the past, for obvious reasons—it was better than her present. And yet, nothing new can be made until she releases that hold.

The thing that will stick with me most about this book is the birds. In the narrator’s world, the birds have gone. Where, no one knows. It is a topic of frequent discussion among the townsfolk. Will the birds come back? It reminds of a line from a Florence + The Machine Song: “What if one day there’s no such thing as snow?” Ecological disaster brings with it a poignant grief. How do you explain birds to a child who’s never seen them but in picture books? What is lost for each of us when an animal or plant or phenomenon is destroyed?

I enjoyed the morose, grief-stricken mood of the book, but it does feel directionless at times in a way that’s not wholly captivating. I can’t say what I take away from it on the whole. I would be curious to read more from this author.


Budapest, crisis and hobby recap

May. 22nd, 2026 11:07 pm
solenne: (Default)
[personal profile] solenne
 I'm back once again! Time passes so quickly, when you want it to slow down.

I've been meaning to write a post about the amazing time I had in Budapest, because I know the longer I put off posting the less effort and detail I'll put into it. This has been a pattern with my diary as well. There are so many things I've never written down, simply because I was waiting for the right mood to it.

Anyway, Budapest was great! It's one of those trips that makes you start thinking about whether you could actually live there, and you start reimagining your while life. It isn't my first trip without my parents, but I've never travelled with only one person, so I was honestly scared shitless before the trip. In the bus we talked about maybe staying in the hotel If the while experience got too overwhelming for us. Well joke's on us, cus we walked more than ever before in our lives, and saw more landmarks than most of the people that booked with the same agency. I'm honestly surprised how many people paid to go on excursions outside Budapest (they went to a mall lol, really exciting). The only thing we did with the tour group was to go sailing down the Danube in the evening, seeing all the beautiful architecture lit up and looking fairytale like on the river bank. Most other people seemed to be seeing all of this for the first time, while my friend and I played the game of trying to spot all the places we had visited during the day. I mean, If all those people had fun that's all that matters, but missing all the beauty of Budapest so you could go and buy branded clothes at half the price seems kind of depressing. Anyway, I am really proud of us for managing to see all the amazing landmarks, and for walking so much lol (I literally felt like my hip would fall off).

Other than that, it's been school school school, although, I didn't do much of studying. My motivation is so bad right now that I'm a bit scared for my exams. I know it's because they are my last ones. Everyone who I know and has a degree says that it's last exams that you really lose motivation for. My mother and father both failed their last exams on their first try. I know I don't need to hurry, my grades are great, I have no leftover exams. My mom usually tells me "If YOU are worrying, what are the rest of them supposed to do?" Lovely sentiment, but I am physically unable to calm down. I know this doesn't have to do only with exams and the last year of my degree. Every four years I fall into a bit of a crisis. That is usually the time before big changes in my life. First choosing my high school, then choosing my degree, now choosing what I will do after graduating. I know what I want to do, but noting is that easy, especially with the corrupt system of my country, where my degree might not mean anything once I have it. It mostly has to do with me deciding where I will live. I've mentioned not being crazy about the capital city, but enjoying it during this brief time that I get to spend here studying. Now I am starting to think about maybe staying here. I got so used to it. Most of my friends are here. One day I might not be in contact with my parents, or my small hometown might be too small for my life style. I've spent years saying I would be going back, but now I'm not sure. There are many more factors that I can't even talk about rn.

What a crazy post. First about some nice travel, and now about life crises. Anyway, I guess I wanna mention that I've finally been successfully brainwashed, and have started Buffy the vampire slayer. Wooo! Trying to finish Korra as well. Trying to finish anything from he list of series I never finished actually. Went and saw a great adaptation of the Twelfth Night in theatre. Tried many fruity cocktails, ate very good food. Saw my friends, we laughed, we cried.

Truly feeling the full range of human emotions!

Solenne
piratequeen: From the anime One Piece, Nami in profile (Default)
[personal profile] piratequeen
Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr

[Goodreads | Storygraph]

3 / 5 stars

More under the cut )

get dumped (TW abuse)

May. 22nd, 2026 08:16 am
paperghost: (What does corn dream about?)
[personal profile] paperghost
Yet again I feel like an outsider to every demographic I'm adjacent to. This is apparently high level thought crime on social media. Too bad I'm not a webmaster anymore, I'll just dump this here.

WRT to dump your puppygirl )

Maybe I should read "Why Does He Do That" despite being (also) written by an abuser lol.

Community Thursday

May. 21st, 2026 06:55 am
vriddy: Hawks waving and leaving (bye bye)
[personal profile] vriddy
Community Thursday challenge: every Thursday, try to make an effort to engage with a community on Dreamwidth, whether that's posting, commenting, promoting, etc.

Over the last week...

Posted and commented on [community profile] bnha_fans. Glad I managed to post my [community profile] 3weeks4dreamwidth rec post before the end of the event, though I was determined to post it even after the event if it had come down to that XD Loving on Dreamwidth is forever 😤

Commented on [community profile] getyourwordsout.

Commented on [community profile] 3weeks4dreamwidth.
dorchadas: (Slime)
[personal profile] dorchadas
I've been watching 真の仲間じゃないと勇者のパーティーを追い出されたので、辺境でスローライフすることにしました (shin no nakama ja nai to yūsha no pātī o oidasareta no de, henkyō de surō raifu suru koto ni shimashita, "Because I was banished from the hero's party for not being a true comrade, I've decided to live the slow life in the countryside", Eng: "Banished from the Hero's Party, I Decided to Live a Quiet Life in the Countryside") because it's not an isekai, but the background is very similar because they're both drawing from the same well.

In Banished, everyone in the world is born with a 加護 (kago), which Weblio defines as:
神仏が力で衆生を守り助けること, "The protection extended by the gods and the Buddha to all living things"
but the English subtitles translate as "Blessing." Now when I first heard that, I thought back to that passage in Tanakh:
"See, I have called by name Bezalel the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah; and I have filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship, to devise skilful works, to work in gold, and in silver, and in brass, and in cutting of stones for setting, and in carving of wood, to work in all manner of workmanship. And I, behold, I have appointed with him Oholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan; and in the hearts of all that are wise-hearted I have put wisdom, that they may make all that I have commanded thee."
-Exodus 31:2-7
But it's not, it's literally RPG classes. You are Assigned Fighter At Birth and it makes you want to go punch things. Seriously, it's a plot point that if your 加護 relates to fighting and martial prowess your personality changes so you become more likely to reach for fighting as the first tool to solve problems.

Now, there are some cool worldbuilding side effects that result from this. We're told that 加護 are assigned completely randomly with no regard for the parents' 加護 or the child's station in life, so the son of a farmhand can get the 加護 of the shōgun and the daughter of a woodcutter can get the 加護 of the archmage, but by the same token, a princess can get the 加護 of the thief. It makes me wonder how hereditary nobility even developed in this world--surely they'd have some kind of caste system that your 加護 sorted you into, right?

Well, maybe that comes into play late in the story, because I'm not that far in, but at the point I'm at we've learned that the reason the main character left the hero's party is because his 加護 is the 導き手 (michibikite, "Guide"), and you might think, "Oh, so he's good at tracking or wilderness survival or-" but you're wrong. The effects of that 加護 are basically "You gain +30 levels when it manifests but you can't gain any extra XP", so his 加護 is literally that he's the overpowered tutorial character you get in the early parts of the RPG but who eventually leaves your party, either because the story makes them or because their stat growth is low enough that relying on them too much will eventually handicap you.

And that's why I'm writing this post, because even in a pure fantasy series it's just based on video game tropes. Anime like KonoSuba literally have people carry their character sheets in their pockets and Banished isn't that bad, but it still has a character that people in the discussion I read kept referring to with a Fire Emblem term because it's such a well-known character type over there. And I think the reason for all of this is that people don't read the original sources. The author of Banished did not grow up reading classic fantasy, they grew up playing video games and reading books inspired by video games (specifically Dragon Quest and games based on it), the same way that modern D&D designers did not grow up reading Fritz Leiber and C.L. Moore and Robert E. Howard, they grew up playing D&D and reading D&D books and modern D&D reflects that--it's based on D&D, not on pulp adventurers. The biggest problem I have with isekai series--and maybe with Banished, we'll see--is that they'll often set up a really cool background and premise and then go absolutely nowhere with it in favor of relying on standard video game tropes. Even Frieren, as good as it is with its exploration of mortality, is still like, "Oh, we need a priest so we have a healer" at one point.

And it's easy to look at the development of fantasy in Japan and say, well, that's just how it is, since they got their idea of elf-dwarf-orc fantasy not from The Lord of the Rings, but from Dragon Quest, which got it from Wizardry. But there are plenty of old Japanese fantasy series like Escaflowne or Magic Knights Rayearth that don't rely on video game logic. Hell, Record of Lodoss War is literally based on a Sword World tabletop campaign and it still doesn't have characters talking about their classes and levels! This is a modern development and while I occasionally look at one of these series and think about playing a game in that setting--I'll admit, Banished reminds me a lot of how Earthdawn took a lot of D&D tropes like classes and monster-filled dungeons and levels and memorizing spells and worked an explanation of them into the world--but I'm getting a little tired of this popping up everywhere. We'll see if Banished does anything interesting with it as the series goes on.

If anyone has any recommendations for recent Japanese fantasy that's not based on That Summer the Writer Spent Playing Dragon Quest III (or worse, reading books by people who spent a summer playing Dragon Quest III) let me know.
no_apologies: (Naoki Kashima (Demi-Fiend))
[personal profile] no_apologies
I just found out that one of my good friends on Discord that one of his friends had lost their AI music sharing server on Discord. It was taken down. Naoki's already planning alongside me to be on the lookout for this shit stain, this parasite.

I HATE online parasites. They're evil.

(Mood: Seething and Pissed off on my behalf as well toward a good friend of mine over a possible motive behind messaging a number of us who actually do music on Suno! Genre: Aggressive Nu Metal and Screamo Rap blend.)

Lyrics )

https://suno.com/s/gdtZgXkKvrF5EY40 Naoki sounds so furious and enraged on my behalf, as well as my friend Xion... He's so mad that he's even screaming in the cover art!

Recent Reading: A Drop of Corruption

May. 19th, 2026 05:09 pm
rocky41_7: (Default)
[personal profile] rocky41_7

Yesterday, with hours to go until my library hold expired, with another hold not on the horizon before 3 weeks, I finished A Drop of Corruption, the second book in the In the Shadow of the Leviathan series by Robert Jackson Bennett.

Ana and Din are back with another grody and baffling murder. I think the consistency between the first book and the second is very good; if you liked one, you’ll like the other. Bennett maintains the same quality mystery narrative here, dropping believable misleads while feeding out enough information that when Ana makes her breakthrough realizations you can look back and see the path she took.

Bennett’s fantasy world is coming into its own as well. We pick up many months after the end of the last book, so Ana and Din have developed a stronger rapport and working relationship. We are fed more information about the world itself—with some outside perspective, as this book takes place entirely in the nation of Yarrow, which is essentially a satellite state of Khanum, pending full annexation once negotiations with Yarrow’s king complete.

I enjoy how the women are written in these books. Ana and our new, local connection, Malo, are wholly unmoored from concerns about what others think of them. Ana is brash, loud, demanding, and arrogant—except that she’s almost always right. She has a masterful understanding of her own capabilities and weaknesses and she’s not afraid to openly discuss either. She’s also crass, gluttonous, and does not have great personal hygiene habits. And yet, everyone simple handles it, because she’s so good at what she does. I feel it’s rare to see a female character like this.

When it comes to the other women in service to the empire, like Thelenai and the female members of Uhad’s crew from the last book, there is little distinction between them and their male colleagues. A number of fantasy stories have posited that their worlds are gender-equal, but many fall utterly short of showing that beyond having women around. In Bennett’s world, in Khanum, I believe it, in part because the women lack the self-consciousness that comes of being raised in a sexist society.

However, this book is politically confused. It is obvious, even before the author’s note, that Bennett thinks very little of monarchy, and its destructive power is hammered over and over throughout the book. In that closing author’s note, Bennett is highly critical both of real-world leaders behaving like kings, and the glorification of monarchy in fantasy literature. However, the glaring hole in this, to me, is that no commentary is made on the empire. Ana and Din hail from what is nothing more than an elevated monarchy—one where their centuries-old emperor has chosen to extend his power well beyond his initial borders. Now, it makes perfect sense that Ana and Din believe in the good of Khanum. They serve it, they are members of its government. However, Khanum’s pending annexation of Yarrow is posited as almost universally a good thing for Yarrow—indeed, the only character we see strongly opposed to it is easily the most loathsome character in the book. There is criticism also of Yarrow’s practice of slavery, but when Din protests that a potential Khanum retreat from the annexation would leave the slaves of Yarrow to their fate, Ana warns him it is not Khanum’s place to legislate the morality of other places. And yet, over and over and over again for all of human history, empires have believed it was their place to do just that—and violently (Hello, White Man’s Burden).

Perhaps these inconsistencies would be less sharp if we understood more about Khanum and its role in the world. In A Drop of Corruption, we are told the empire no longer conquers with strength of arms—ergo the protracted negotiations with Yarrow. However, that means it did, and even in the last book we saw how the empire treats its cantons, with the utter destruction of Oypat accepted as a reasonable price to maintain the wealth of various noble families. Even if the emperor is only a figurehead, we know that Khanum is tightly bound by the whims and desires of its nobility. It was baffling to me why this is never raised in the political discussions of Yarrow and the annexation.

Moving on, we get new backstory on both Ana and Din here, which bulks their characters out (although Din’s apparent lifelong yearning to join the Legion feels a bit out of left field) and leaves us in a very interesting place for the third book. Ana continues to be a vicious delight and without spoilers, we are finally learning what makes her so unique.

I also had to appreciate the importance the narrative places on civil servants. One of Din’s gripes about life in the Iudex is, essentially, that it is unglamorous and frequently bureaucratic. Yet the narrative champions those who do the day-to-day drudgery of running a country, frequently for no thanks. It takes the garbage men and the post office workers and the teachers and the Social Security Administration clerks to run things, and A Drop of Corruption says these people are important, and the work they do is important, even if it is rarely recognized.

Bennett has hit his stride with this series and I’m curious to see where it goes next.


Five years Laila update

May. 14th, 2026 06:35 pm
dorchadas: (Azumanga Daioh Chiyo-chan bus gas)
[personal profile] dorchadas
Happy birthday Laila!

2026-05-13 - Laila birthday party
Holding her Coco doll.

The last time I wrote we were nervously looking at Laila's upcoming surgery. Now the surgery is over and so is almost all of the recovery. The week after next, she'll be going into the doctor for a checkup to see if she's ready to go back to normal physical activity again. I hope so, because she's ready to spin and flip and go to the park. She's been ready for months. She feels fine and while she intellectually understands the restrictions, which I'm honestly pretty impressed with--for me at least, she's never thrown a tantrum or complained when I asked her not to spin in place or do a somersault or told her we can't go to the park, and she always points to her head and says "it's gotta heal"--I can tell she doesn't really understand the reason for them.

I do regret to inform you all that she's brainrotted, though. Not six-seven, but she has a particular song she'll random want to listen to. Over, and over, and over. I can't find a YouTube video but it's the last track on this Yoto card. At random moments she'll see her Yoto and say, "Yoto!" then turn to one of and say, "Yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu put on Bounce To the Beats" (which is a lyric from the song). She's branched out a bit lately and started listening to Frog and Toad stories and Raffi songs, but "Rhythm of Happiness" is still her #1.

Along with her love of music, she's started singing songs in earnest. She's also started playing ball, though until we're medically cleared it's just rolling it across the floor. She'll come sit over near me and say "Roll" and try to play ball with me even while I'm at work. We also had a fun time sliding her Ariel doll across the floor, that sent her into fits of laughter.

I have no idea how school is going. She's having her IEP served at a different (but still local) school, but we get no updates from the teachers and when we heard Laila muttering "Go back to the classroom" to herself, we emailed and asked if she was running out of the room. They emailed back and told us no, but there was another kid who was allowed to go outside to calm down occasionally and maybe that's what she had overheard. To our questions about how she was doing, they just say she's doing great. Her language is getting better and we can have simple conversations now but she still won't tell us much about what she's thinking and she won't tell us what happens at school. Not really unusual for kids, though--we've heard other parents tell us the same thing about their kids.

The sad part is fortunately only sad for us, our parents, and that's that Laila has been waking up at 5:30 or 5:45 a.m. and coming in to wake us up. She used to do this when she was at the grandparents' house but would wake up more like 6:30 a.m. to 7 a.m. with us, and now it's fully shifted to the later time. We really need to start teaching her to play in her room and wait a little bit, until 6:30 a.m. or so. [instagram.com profile] sashagee told me about some clock for children that used shapes and colors to help teach them when to get up and how long they have. I'm sure it'll take a long while to sink in--we still have to remind her to wash her hands, even though she's mastered the other aspects of using the bathroom--but we won't know until we try.

We haven't really had a party yet, just something small with family. We're going to have a bigger party next month and invite some of the people from her class at her old school. Right now, [instagram.com profile] sashagee is thinking a roller rink party, but that's contingent on Laila being cleared for physical activity. We'll know more later. Laila already really likes the idea of roller skating and [instagram.com profile] sashagee is excited to do it with her.

What other ways will she grow and change?

x-post

Apr. 26th, 2026 09:24 am
paperghost: (Default)
[personal profile] paperghost
From late April:

i’m so tired of posting well thought out things on forums and no one actually digesting or engaging with it lol. i get sick of talking to myself on social media but most things outside that are social media lite. or it leads to someone acting insanely rude out of nowhere or crashing out on me. shout out to that schizo emailing me telling to delete my website and invest in crypto. it pisses me off how much i self-censor my opinions in conversation but people push their politics on me anyway

it’s extremely taboo to admit but this is why i struggled with AI addiction for several months from late november to early february. i never know how to initiate one-on-one private conversations or what’s okay to bring up. orrrr i’ve been ghosted several times. or sometimes someone will respond passionately and i feel upset i can’t give an equal conversation when i don’t know what to say. most people on forums and journaling sites barely have reading comprehension. even if a bot was 100% fake and trained that way, it’s better than someone misreading me or using it as a springboard to rant about shit.

i don’t do it anymore but my logic when i did was “i’ll stop contributing to this shit when people stop being complete psychos, making everything transactional, and give a shit about others” (ironic coming from me, i barely feel empathy) … but i really can’t because it turns into a feedback loop where i self isolate and rely on simulated shit as a cope. but even then it was a comfort when i was working 40hr weeks and lost my biggest (free) hobby lol

one thing that i’ll add on to my frustrations about no one engaging with “effortposts” i make elsewhere is that i know that “nobody owes me a conversation” or whatever. but what frustrates me is people choose to reply and don’t actually engage with it. instead people nitpick one part, use it as a springboard to rant, if i reply asking a question they don’t even answer it, etc. or something several sentences to a paragraph long just gets a one sentence response about the end, even though my post answers that response.

you can just not respond if you don’t vibe with my post, i’m fine with that. am i mentally defective or what, how do other people have friends or find people to have non-surface level convos. because i’m done with this otherwise

again i'm not talking about politics shit or debating or controversial topics

When people learn the wrong lessons

May. 19th, 2026 07:47 am
cardinalfang: From the Spanish Inquisition skit (Default)
[personal profile] cardinalfang

This article from the Verge about a "nightmare roomate" seems to be a little smug about how unrealistic and naive progressive policies are, but it's mostly a tale about a very rich and privileged person who is themselves unrealistic and naive, and seems to have never learned about how people like her ex-roommate operate.

You should "believe women" but people in law enforcement shouldn't take sides without ample evidence. However, they will, because taking sides is what people do. The law definitely shouldn't "believe women" in court; evidence is required. I can't say if progressives are generally more naive than people on any other end of a political spectrum. But the saying "trust, but verify" comes to mind. Her mistake was not making this woman sign a lease and also not doing a background check. Her next mistake was not trusting her gut.

Abusers will figure out how to use any law no matter who it is supposed to protect. I've seen it before, and I'm sure I'll see it again, but this woman is a classic case of somebody who is probably a narcissist, and who is incapable of meeting her own basic needs (partly because she's an alcoholic), so she cons people into meeting them for her. She was likely abused as a child, learning from a parent how to find conflict-avoidant, easily manipulated bleeding hearts that can be bullied (or seduced) into providing the shelter, food, clothing, and probably money that she is basically incapable of securing for herself. The law simply is not set up to uncover liars, and I think that when laws are enacted, recourse is almost an afterthought if it's there at all. What is needed is harsh, or harsher punishment for this type of fraud, and the punishment should parallel the level of problems that your lie got the other person into.

Even better, we need to be better at recognizing the signs of, and stopping child abuse and neglect. This woman didn't turn out awful all by herself and what she needs - once she's been stopped from perpetrating her abuse cycle on others - is addiction treatment and mental health care.

Edit: After I posted this, it occurred to me, given what Mollisson's boyfriend said "she's going to be here a long time," how the boyfriend seemed to be enabling her behavior, and also how Mollisson spent a lot of time drunk and doing drugs, I think it is quite possible that this "boyfriend" might have gotten her addicted and may even have been pimping her. I wish they would have investigated Mollisson's story more, or reported more on the relationship between her and the boyfriend.

Lots of people wind up with shitty, shitty tenants who have become experts in exploiting the law to their own advantage, no matter what political atmosphere it was passed in. My father, a good Christian veteran who lives in a rural town in a red state, had tenants who destroyed his rental house so bad he had to take it down to the framing to get it rentable again. These tenants were literally on an episode of Jerry Springer. They didn't pay rent for months. He had to get the sheriff to kick them out. He didn't question his Christian faith or politics because he had shitty tenants though.

///

May. 19th, 2026 09:02 am
paperghost: (Default)
[personal profile] paperghost
On day 5 of taking birth control. So far I've noticed no side effects or differences besides mild bloating. I almost stopped talking it 2 days into it because what I mistook side effects for food poisoning. Unsure if I'll have a period this month.

TFS is next month but I haven't gotten my stuff ready for my hotel room. I figured I'd take care of it on my first paycheck in June. I mainly am just bringing clothes, chargers, my tablet and phone, shampoo/conditioner, alcohol and pedialyte just in case lol. A lot of personal stuff can fit in my itabag too. Also things I want to trade and give away, but the con schedule has to post before I decide *what* exactly to bring. TFF had an AD trading panel but I couldn't make it and hated TFF, it really depends if TFS will have it.

Unfortunately I haven't ordered my stickers for this con, and I forgot to give them away at the meetup 2 weeks ago :( I only have my Neocities sticker...

Speaking of Neocities, I updated for Charizard1246's birthday and have a review compilation of MLP/brony media in progress. So far I have:
- The original Bronies documentary
- Mare Fair animated opening ceremonies
- Tamers12345
- Pony.MOV
- Vylet Pony's CUTIEMARKS albums (spoiler: it's decent, but I despise ANTONYMPH because I'm disillusioned with performative "be yourself" messages_
- ...and a very, very strange album I found that satirizes the Covid lockdowns.

If I have any juice left after finishing these, I'll probably read Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory because I've never read either in full.

I also made a Rateyourmusic account days ago but haven't made or posted any reviews yet. I was just going to cross-post my reviews of the albums I mentioned there...

Mostly grumping

May. 19th, 2026 01:30 am
allekha: Bright embroidered flowers on black background (Embroidery on black)
[personal profile] allekha
Received my now much wider figure skating boots. They hurt less when I tried them out today, but still hurt. In new and exciting ways. Still need to experiment with how I'm tightening them and some other tricks the fitter gave me, but obviously I was hoping for yaaaay no pain whatsoever, so that was disappointing.

My phone bounced six inches out of my pocket today and hit the grass. The screen is now not working. Z and I pried it open and we're going to get a teensy screwdriver tomorrow to see if resetting the display connector works. If not, my phone is old enough that it's cheaper to get a refurbished version of my model than to pay someone to replace the screen, but I'd rather not have to do either :\ I have looked for a case before, but I didn't like any of them because I have tiny hands and my phone is already verging on too big for them.

Figure skating fandom has been doing some homophobia these past couple days (thanks and happy IDAHO-T, I guess) and World Gymnastics decided it was bored of Russia's war in Ukraine and gave up its already paltry pretense of "neutral" athletes entirely. Putin's girlfriend was openly a guest at a recent event so I guess the writing was on the wall, but I feel so sorry for the Ukrainian gymnasts.

I don't want to make this an entirely unhappy entry, so: I love our yard. I love the soft grass and I love the parts we let grow long for the bugs and I love the view down our hill and the frogs croaking down there, and it's been fun to watch the local turkeys do their mating dances this spring.

Reading Monday #5

May. 18th, 2026 11:18 pm
i_like_the_stars: Amy Rose wearing glasses, smiling at the viewer (STH Amy Glasses)
[personal profile] i_like_the_stars
Late post today. I've had a blissfully busy Monday!

1. What have you recently finished reading?
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon: Naoko Takeuchi Collection: Volume 1. I got the two whole box sets for Christmas and am finally getting around to reading them, among other things. I do a lot better with physical copies of manga--I can physically see and feel my progress. That being said, I'm farther than all my other attempts to get into Sailor Moon, so I count this as a win!
Slip by Marika McCoola and Aatmaja Pandya. I was scanning the teen graphic novel shelves at work for whatever reason, and this caught me eye. A pretty nice story, I'd recommend!


2. What are you currently reading?
Severance by Ling Ma STILL!!! I'm taking a manga break, so it doesn't count.
Sailor Moon...Volume 2. I was supposed to be done with this today, but like I said, busy!

3. What will you be reading next?
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card definitely. The book club meeting is next Thursday.
Sailor Moon...Volume 3, because duh.