gaming

Been catching up on Vampire Princess Miyu as a way to go with the Halloween thing without doing too much about it. Its still haunting, and it has become one of my all-time favorites. I'm hoping to finally finish the series and the OAV which I also watched way back then on VHS.

(In fact, that was the first time I began watching it.)

I'm also watching episodes of Ghost Sweeper Mikami with the same goal of finishing it up as well.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Thomas Dolby- She Blinded Me With Science

paperghost

I was browsing Melonland forums, and someone brought up an alternative free host besides Neocities and Nekoweb:

https://web1.0hosting.net/

Web 1.0 Hosting - is an advanced static hosting with some predefined most necessary ready-made scripts, a smallweb project that makes it possible to access static websites from old devices such as retro computers, old operating systems, palmtops, and cellular phones as part of an initiative to save the old web and support the smallweb movement. Hosting of modern websites and the use of modern technologies are also permitted. There is also a search engine, web mail and web chat, working on both modern and legacy systems.

Advantages:

As simple as possible
No ads at your website
3rd level domain name for free: .w10.site, short .w0.am, .narod.ws and .oldcities.org
You can link your own domain name, see FAQ
100 Mb of space for free, 500 Mb for community users, extra space for donation
Web-mail accessible from the old devices *
NEW!!! You can host website at your home and connect to the server using L2TP/ipsec, your webserver will be accessible by the login.w10.site/~/, this way you can host at your computer or server without real static IP any dynamic scripts using PHP, Python, whatever, any blog engines, forums, etc **
Overlay intranet between the users connected to the L2TP/ipsec server where you can host any services, such as gameservers, domain name in the intranet is your login.intra
Possibility to access website by IP http://135.181.118.12/~yourwebsite or http://[2a01:4f9:4b:1e30::3]/~yourwebsite without DNS
Unlimited traffic
Hotlinking is allowed: you can publish your static content such as photos, videos, scripts, etc, and include them at other websites hosted apart from the Web1.0 Hosting
No limits for file types
All the content accessible by HTTP and HTTPS using IPv4 and IPv6
Web file listing: autoindex is on, any directory without index.html file shows the list of the contained files and directories like it is a web FTP
Custom error 404 pages
FTP and FTPS for the file upload
Web file uploader, code, and WYSIWYG editors for modern web browsers
SSI (Server Side Includes) allows you to reuse your code and makes working on a static website as convenient as possible: edit the headers and footers just once and include them into other pages of your website (see FAQ)
Predefined scripts to have feedback from your website visitors, such as contact form, guestbook, photogallery, audio catalog, chat, blog, visitors counter, and likes which are supported by old browsers as well as in modern
Ability to order hosting using very old devices that support Internet connection and HTML
Suitable for WAP site hosting for mobile devices
Suitable for keeping digital assets proved by NFT
Website builder for creating websites from custom or ready-made templates using HamsterCMS
Your website is also published within the Yggdrasil network - a free worldwide decentralized overlay peer-to-peer network accessible as YourSite.ws.ygg ALFIS blockchain DNS), YourSite.ws.ygg.at using clearnet DNS, or using Yggdrasil IP without DNS as http://[300:a056:404a:1329::80]/~yourwebsite that allows to avoid any local internet access restrictions in the country without VPN and publish your content wherever you are. This (main) page of the webhosting is accessible by wh.ygg (wh.ygg.at using clearnet DNS ALFIS) or http://[300:a056:404a:1329::80]
WAP gateway for old mobile phones: 135.181.118.15:9201
Daily backups to two different locations
Excluded bus factor - several interchangeable people work on hosting, and not just one person
Furries friendly hosting

Sounds pretty great, if you ask me. I'm not moving from Neocities, but this looks like a good alternative for anyone tired of Kyle Drake's tech bro antics or Nekoweb's customer service done over Discord.

vriddy

Would any of you have book recs for stories with a mute protagonist/major character(s)? I'm usually more of a SFF reader, but any genre where this is done well would be wonderful. Thank you!!

fennectik

While annoying orange is demolishing the White House to make room for his well deserved ballroom, the government shutdown continues, leaving countless federal workers without the means to provide for themselves and their families, and depending on government aid as benefits are depleting rapidly, also affecting others who are in more need than them. This, along with inflation increasing which according to mister dictator, would "fix" the moment he was in office.

I hope this is what everyone who voted for him was hoping for.

Current Mood: irritated

rocky41_7

Turning over in my mind how Astarion and Cazador are mirrors of each other and it's sooo interesting. Like, Astarion when the PC meets him is on a kind of precipice. The PC can either encourage him to continue on the path he's on, resentful that other people might get help when he didn't and willing to do anything to make himself feel safe (might makes right, etc.), or can push him back in the direction of being "good," caring about others and keeping his worse instincts under control.

Astarion spends large chunks of the game castigating Cazador for his senseless cruelty, for his selfishness, for his derangement. Astarion also frets about being or becoming a monster. If the PC tells him during their first meeting that the parasites will turn them into mindflayers, his response is a dejected "Of course it'll turn me into a monster."

And yet, the moment Astarion grasps that he might seize control of Cazador's ritual of ascension, that he might sacrifice his vampiric "siblings" to obtain the power Cazador sought, he is immediately sorely tempted, even eager. When it becomes clear the ritual necessitates the sacrifice not only of Astarion's six spawn siblings, but also the seven thousand victims Cazador has been collecting in the basement for centuries, many of whom Astarion himself delivered unknowingly to their fate, Astarion hesitates only slightly in his desire to complete the ritual himself.

If Astarion is ascended via Cazador's ritual, he almost immediately follows in his master's footsteps. Some of his first dialogue after ascending is about feeling that every other living thing wants to serve and be controlled by him, the vampire ascendant. If he follows Cazador's path, he becomes Cazador.

Astarion was tortured for centuries into the person he is in the game. He admits to the PC that he barely remembers his life before being a vampire. The person he was before Cazador entered his life is almost entirely lost to him. After centuries of being on Cazador's leash, Astarion barely has a thought that doesn't revolve around Cazador. Minthara correctly points out that as long as Cazador lives, Astarion will never truly be free, because so much of his mindset continues to center his old master. Whomever Astarion might have been if Cazador had never touched him is a mystery, even to Astarion himself. He is now what Cazador made him, but the PC can encourage him to grow beyond that.

By choosing to ascend, by following in Cazador's wake, Astarion essentially rejects the chance to become something else--he accepts that he is what Cazador created and he will become what Cazador wanted to be. If an ascended Astarion is permitted to leave the Szarr mansion alive (ie. the PC doesn't turn on him with the Gur), he revels in his power and in the Reunion Party scene brags about being the "puppet master" of Baldur's Gate. If the PC is in a romance with him, he may agree to turn them into a vampire spawn, but refuses to make them a full vampire, for vague reasons that almost certainly amount to not wanting to have someone around who might even possibly compete with his power.

Astarion thus shows that he has the capacity to be just like Cazador.

By extrapolation, then, Cazador may have once been like Astarion.

The team learns by exploring the Szarr mansion that Cazador was turned by a vampire named Vellioth, who treated him horrifically. Simply by interrogating Vellioth's skull--which Cazador keeps in his bedroom as a gruesome memento--you can hear about how Vellioth murdered Cazador's friends in front of him when he reached out to them, made him spend eleven years impaled as punishment for a failed attempt to kill Vellioth, and how they both laughed when Cazador finally succeeded in killing his master. Clearly, Cazador is what Vellioth made him, down to the scroll of rules he recieved and then imposed on Astarion and the others, and compared to his old master, he may even view himself as lenient with his own spawn. (Astarion can remark that "even his precious rules" weren't something of Cazador's own invention, which shows how much of Cazador and particularly of his presentation as a vampire is made up of Vellioth. And yet--if romancing an ascended Astarion, he almost inarguably delivers the same set of rules, albeit phrased a little gentler, to the PC. Thank you to corgiteatime for the link!)

Who was Cazador before Vellioth? We don't know, and Astarion doesn't either, but the hints we gather in the Szarr mansion suggest Cazador's journey to his present monstrous state was not very different from Astarion's own path to the climax of his personal quest.

(Pure speculation, but Astarion suggests Cazador took special pleasure in tormenting him among the other spawn, and if Cazador saw something of his own pre-vampiric self in Astarion, I think it tracks that he might then in turn feel particularly hostile towards Astarion, perhaps resenting this reminder that he used to be something else, before Vellioth.)

Astarion lives in perpetual fear. Fear of Cazador, fear of being controlled, fear of being hated and despised by those around him, fear of having to face up to his own actions. His desire to seize on the ritual of ascesion is out of a desire for safety--one of his lines about wanting it is about how no one will ever control him again. Is Cazador's desire for it dissimilar? Rifling through his corresondence in the Szarr mansion shows he is eager to control Baldur's Gate and grow his own power, but of course he wouldn't admit to rival vampires that there is buried in there any desire for his own safety. It is not unbelievable that even centuries after Vellioth's death, even as a true vampire now himself, Cazador is still chasing some sense of safety. It is also a preview, I think, of an ascended Astarion's life: the fear that will never leave him as long as he continues to walk in his master's shadow. Astarion believes that ascending will excise that fear--but I'm sure Cazador believed that becoming a full-fledged vampire would make him feel secure, and here he is chasing the ritual of ascension.

Astarion and Cazador are two sides of the same coin, two stones in the same path begun by Vellioth (although, truthfully, probably even before him, by Vellioth's master and that vampire's master, and so on). Astarion can continue down that same road, chaneling the abuse he recieved from Cazador into his own cruelties, or he can end that terrible lineage by refusing the ritual, by refusing to become what Cazador wanted to be. Cazador represents the monster Astarion can truly become, the worst of Astarion's impulses and instincts, but when the PC meets him, Astarion is not yet too far gone--he can be turned away from this. For Cazador, it's much too late.

piratequeen

A Mouthful of Dust by Nghi Vo

[Goodreads | Storygraph]

4.5 / 5 stars

( More under the cut )

vriddy

Community Thursday challenge: every Thursday, try to make an effort to engage with a community on Dreamwidth, whether that's posting, commenting, promoting, etc.

Over the last week...

Commented on

getyourwordsout.

Commented on

anime_manga.

Posted & commented on

bnha_fans.

lassarina

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allekha

Brain is melting out of my ears a bit from working on this grant proposal. It's due very soon, so at least it won't last much longer! I'll be taking some time off next week and in November, so there's that to look forward to as well.

Z was gone for the weekend visiting friends, so I got to hang out with our clingy little cat (who is very, very attached to Z) allll by myself and witness his screaming rituals to try to summon The Better Human to come cuddle with him. Did get some of my own cuddles in, though! Also went to get some groceries and nearly got hit by a car that decided I'd had enough time in the crosswalk 🫠

In better news, though, I worked on my FIAB assignments and made some progress at filling in the ditches around the foundation of the house. Also went to movie night at S's place, where we voted to watch Blade Runner. Very good, very atmospheric movie, although I'd completely forgotten about the creepy scene between Rachael and Decker. I know it was still more of a thing back then for the female lead to act hesitant before kisses/sex, but it did noooot land well for our group. (I couldn't get into Han/Leia when I finally watched Star Wars as an adult because of this - I understand that their first kiss scene wasn't supposed to make him look pushy, but it still made me feel uncomfortable to watch and see it presented as romantic.) Afterward, of course, someone brought up the replicant or human question. My vote was that the most psychologically interesting option would be if he is human but has strong doubts about whether that is the case.

rocky41_7

Last night I wrapped up another Julia Armfield novel, Private Rites. This novel is about three estranged sisters who are pushed back together when their father dies.

Very sorry I can't give this one a higher rating (I gave it a 3.25 on StoryGraph), because I loved the last Armfield novel I read, Our Wives Under the Sea, and this book shares a lot of similarities with that one. Our Wives Under the Sea was a meditative, slow-paced exploration of an evolving grief which hit me quite hard, but Private Rites comes off, if I can be excused for phrasing it this way, like it's trying too hard. Private Rites obviously really wants the reader to think it's Deep and Thoughtful and Literary, and it shows this desire too clearly for it to work, for me.

What does succeed in Private Rites is the frustrating and heart-breaking portrayal of three estranged sisters struggling with the legacy of a complicated and toxic father. Isla, Irene, and Agnes are not particularly likeable people, and even they muse over whether this can be tied to their strange and un-childlike childhood, or if it's just natural to them. Armfield so captures the feeling of being trapped at a certain age around family, the notion that they are locked into their view of you at ten or thirteen or seventeen and never update that view to reflect who you are as an adult and how you may subconciously regress to fit that view around them. She also catches the frustrating feeling of knowing you are reacting irrationally to a sibling and not being able to stop yourself and how much emotional history undergirds these seemingly outsized responses.

The slow apocalypse happening in the background of the story feels like it ties in well with the emotional state of the three protagonists; a drowning of the world that takes place a little at a time over many years until things become unlivable.

However, as mentioned above, the book ultimately does not succeed to me at being engaging. It is incredibly introspective in a way that comes off as navel-gazing. The "City" portions of the chapters felt especially like Armfield begging us to find the novel artistic and creative, which was unnecessary, because there's plenty here to stand on its own.

The ending also felt like a complete non-sequitur. The seeds for it were sown throughout the book, but not prominently enough that I cared when it came about. Instead, I felt cheated out of an emotional denouement among the three sisters, which is cast off in a coup by this last-minute, poorly-explained plot point.

I also felt like Isla gets an unfair share of grief, and it wasn't clear why she among the three of them was singled out to be exclusively miserable.

Do love the queer representation here; Armfield continues to excel in that.

On the whole, there is a lot of good meat here and it approaches grief from a completely different angle from Our Wives Under the Sea so that it doesn't feel at all repetitive if you've read that one, but it also drags more and I found the ending unsatisfying.

fennectik

Dani Chambers who voices Becky Blackbell (One of my favorite characters in the series,) is taking time off voice acting for voice therapy as stated on a post she made on X:

"This isn't permanent but when my voice comes back I can pop back in," Chambers said. "I'm currently in voice therapy to work on getting back to my normal range. But for now, Becky (and other baby voices) will be voice matched."

The announcement came hours before Season 3 of Spy X Family premiered on Crunchyroll.

Meanwhile, Chambers will still be providing her vocal talents to other characters in the show. Alongside voicing Becky Blackbell in Spy x Family, Chambers has also been in the English dubs of Solo Leveling, Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, and several video games, including Pokemon Masters and Genshin Impact. - gamesradar

You can read more about it here:

Link

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Stone Temple Pilots - Plush

paperghost

Bought my ticket for Sonic Expo! Only for Saturday though, since 3 day passes are expensive lol. My work schedule the week before was changed to working 40hr... Which is actually good, because my paycheck will be fat before the con!

I also want to make an art tutorial... Whenever... I might do it in a format similar to plualthey / gray Folie's tutorials, because I like the comic format.

dorchadas

It's what happens with school but it's also what happened with Laila on her visit to the grandparents this weekend. They kept her an extra day (through Monday at 10:30 a.m.), and she initially had some energy when she came home, but eventually fell asleep on the couch and later took a long nap in her room. I'm at the office today, but

sashagee told me that Laila is also being cuddly and taking a nap today. We've kept her home from school both days, which I'm not happy about since she's been missing a lot of school lately, but when she has a fever of 38.3°C and snot is streaming from her nose and she just wants to sleep, we can't exactly send her to school. Hopefully she feels better tomorrow.

The rest of the weekend went much better, though. We were originally going to drive Laila out to the grandparents on Friday after work, give back their car (which we've had for a couple months now), but last week we were invited to a birthday party of one of Laila's classmates, so on Friday we lit the Shabbat candles and spent the night in:

( Picture )
...and then Saturday morning we went out in the fortunately not-raining weather to the Lincoln Park Zoo and wandered a bit until we found the birthday boy. This took some doing, because none of us--including the birthday family--knew that the zoo was having a Spooky Family Event, so there were hundreds of people around in costume, tables of zoo employees passing out candy, carnival rides, the works. We went from exhibit to exhibit, watching the lions who were out sunning themselves in the unseasonably-warm weather, the kids went into a big bouncy obstacle course, they ran all around the children's garden, and we rode the train for a bit when the party was over. Laila hung back a bit, but she wasn't the only kid who did, so I didn't feel too bad. Some of those kids definitely had a ton of energy.

We drove out to the suburbs, dropped off the car and Laila, went out to a lunch date--I got the poke,

sashagee got a brie burger--got some dessert and then hopped on the train. All of that meant we got home close to 5 p.m., almost in time for the party we were going to, so I finished up my exercise while

sashagee sat down for a bit, we packed up the grandma's potato soup that we were bringing, and called a Lyft to head to

spacedragon's soup party!

This all started from a Discord thread that spiraled out into dozens of soup jokes and memes, and eventually spiraled out into a bunch of people wanting to eat soup. We arrived a little later after the initial soup consumption, but there was still some lentil soup (made by

confuciousdragon) and vegan arroz caldo (made by

become_unglu3d--the chicken version had already been eaten) as well as French bread and tomato soup bread (think zucchini bread but tomato soup based), so I took a bunch of lentil soup and bread and stood around the kitchen table chatting with people about Witch Watch and soup. Despite being full, a bunch of people came back to sample

sashagee's grandma's potato soup (potatoes, milk, carrots, green onions), and we ended up staying until midnight when everyone finally ran out of energy and went home.

The next day

sashagee wasn't feeling well, so other than a quick shopping trip out to the Middle Eastern Grocery Store to restock on pita and halvah and pickles we didn't do anything. And then Monday, Laila came back sick. And so we come full circle.

Alright, workday's over, time to pick up the last CSA box of the year.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Dance with the Dead - Not of This Earth

fennectik

Yesterday some asshole confronted me about leaving trash on one of the seats inside the rail I was taking back home. In hindsight, I know why anyone would get upset, but the way he directed to me acting like self-entitled jackass didn't resonate with me at all. I simply ignored him as he went on complaining to another passenger that had nothing to do with what was happening as I internally was laughing at how much this was bothering him. Another fact is that he didn't even tried talking to me about such things, it sounded more like he wanted to start something which didn't do him any favors on anything.

I simply ignored him and he got off some stop, taking his entitled ass with him.

As for the trash, I did took it and tossed it inside a trash bin once I was outside. You see, there aren't any such thing *inside* said train rails, so all one can do is politely keep it and dispose of it the right way afterwards.

Something aspies like that guy who should mind his damn business from the beginning should realize before opening their mouths and shake their fingers at anybody.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Blue Oyster Cult- Don't Fear The Reaper

piratequeen

Automatic Noodle by Annalee Newitz

[Goodreads | Storygraph]

4 / 5 stars

( More under the cut )

no_apologies

(Mood: Haunting, Chilling, Horror, Psychological Horror, Atmospheric, Lovecraftian. Genre: Opera singing, mixed in with ambient elements. Xel'lotath should be given room to alternate between her beautifully haunting normal singing voice and her more chilling whispery voice.)

[Intro, spoken. Whispery voice included in parenthesis]
"Halloween... What an intriguing opportunity..."
("An opportunity to exploit...")
"We see you in your little evening rituals; your painted faces, your borrowed bravado..."
("We know what's missing... Your faces should be more twisted in madness and horror...")

[Verse 1]
We'll summon plenty of our creatures,
No need in dressing up their features.

(No restriction of their abilities,)
(They're going to do as they please.)

A tame and tidy evening tirade,
We're going to change and invade.

Shadows stretching across your streets,
Nightmares slipping from ancient deeps.

(Whispers curling 'round your ears,)
(Feeding on your growing fears.)

Watch as innocence unwinds,
(Little Ones will lose their minds.)

[Chorus]
Running as fast as you cannnnn,
In midst of our grand plannnnn!
Goodbye, old and frail Halloweeeeen!
Welcome to an everlasting dark dream...

[Verse 2]
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Bloody mortal flesh, turning rotten,
All those little sweets, now forgotten.

(Humanity now spiraling away,)
(Tiny destroyed minds, we crave.)

Streetlights flicker, hope decays,
Laughter drowned in shadows' haze.

(Every mask now cracks and slips,)
(Truth exposing trembling lips.)

No more comfort, no more light—
Only terror, endless night.

We live and breathe, beyond your screens,
(Bringing to life the worst of dreams.)

[Chorus]
Running as fast as you cannnnn,
In midst of our grand plannnnn!
Goodbye, old and frail Halloweeeeen!
Welcome to an everlasting dark dream...

[instrumental]

[Bridge, spoken]
"Now this is more like it..."
"The air thick with panic, the taste of unraveling minds. Delicious."
"You mortals always thought you understood fear."
("Tonight, you’ve only begun to glimpse the true depths.")
"Let the masquerade fall away... Let the madness in.”

[Chorus]
Running as fast as you cannnnn,
In midst of our grand plannnnn!
Goodbye, old and frail Halloweeeeen!
Welcome to an everlasting dark dream...

The full song!

A variant version of the same song that also sounds pretty good!

lassarina

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paperghost

I've been thinking about the band Whitehouse again. I want to write a page about it, but I can't put how I feel into words... Until then, I found a good review on Tumblr that explains what they're about:

Whitehouse The Sound Of Being Alive (2016)

My fascination with Whitehouse started when Controlled Bleeding’s Paul Lemos name-dropped them during the reviews section of Long Island’s underground music zine Under The Volcano. Since Cruise (2001), I paid very heavy attention to what William Bennett and Philip Best had done because I always wondered how they got away with their subject matter. Almost no artist even dared to put serial killers, sexual deviancy, psychological torture, and obscene vocabulary on permanent medium. Even just as curious was Whitehouse’s sound. Yes, we all know that after William Bennett’s tenure with Essential Logic did he want to explore sounds that could incite people as well as “bludgeon” them. So he took it from there and never looked back. The total sum of all parts intriguing, racy, and controversial became very interesting. It was why the Cruise-era and beyond became the era I mostly identify and am most familiar with.

The Sound Of Being Alive is a twelve-track reminder of Whitehouse’s final period starting with Mummy & Daddy (1998) to their final record Racket (2007); re-collecting an era of provocation, African instrumentation, and real celebrity subject. By then, Whitehouse ultimately became more sophisticated and thought-provoking, sharper and essential than ever due to their near untouchable subject matter and place in the creative world. This compilation absolutely wastes no time in not giving one fuck about your personal safety or well-being. It doesn’t care about consoling you or identifying what you’re currently going through. They are not here to deal in the obvious self-help or friendly pick-me-up. They are only here to glorify violated feelings, account for damaged lives, and cutting criticism. They will even offer more questions to bring it all out, even if it’s yours. Of course, they can’t do it without creating the sonic power-violence helping to push their always-controversial themes that illicit the type of artistic criticism it deserves.

They couldn’t possibly touch upon the subject of violation without the damaging sounds of “Cruise (Force The Truth)” and “Princess Disease” through synthesizers racing like sirens or pulverizing militarized noise rhythms of “Why You Never Became A Dancer”. The lyrics on “Cut Hands Has The Solution” is in no way self-help; piling on issues of anorexia and cutting which are validated by the success of those suspected of self-imposing their drama on others. The extremely sexually intrusive and awkward “Dumping The Fucking Rubbish” deals a multitude of questions leaving zero answers because you’ll never get them. They never cared for answers as you seen on the cover for “Cruise”. And hold on to precious life when the pink noise from “Philosophy” hits.

Or, how they ruthlessly tear you down to nothing with the caustic “A Cunt Like You” where Bennett’s key shrills and Best’s hateful venomous beratement are both acidic. If you’re still not damaged or perplexed after somehow even attempting to process their artistic output, maybe “Daddo” could become the final blow where vibrating frequencies dance around a delicate glass rim before disintegrations erase any evidence of sanity or stability through flashes of risqué Lolita imagery.

But beneath the rally of all the heavy discord and valid shock, there’s a true substance under it all. The stories of Stuart Lubbock found dead inside British celebrity Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool and the brutal truthful eulogy that came with it on “Wriggle Like A Fucking Eel”. A scathing attack on artist Tracey Emin as “Why You Never Became A Dancer”. The mystical African instrumentation and cultural references from “Dyad” and “Cut Hands Has The Solution”. The origins of “Philosophy” or “Just Like A Cunt”. These aforementioned tracks rewarded Whitehouse fans when they discovered their true obscure meaning. The former two would cross into tabloid and celebrity territory in order to really deliver the dirt. Ascetisists 2006 and Racket (2007) would help signal Bennett’s change of artistic direction to become Cut Hands. The final two stem from Bennett’s second-hand experiences of downright hateful arguments between two warring sides.

The idea that Whitehouse ran its course making a mark of the taboo, the racy, and the unspeakable speaks volumes. Very few (noise) artists really did go for the kill the way they did. Bennett’s start-of-project created lots of controversy because of his thrust of the unknown, causing lots of distress and violence because no one understood it. With Best helping to change Whitehouse’s direction and writer Peter Sotos throwing a little of his money in, Whitehouse pushed the limits on noise and subject matter as far as it could within reason to such distinction. Hearing all that’s said and done, The Sound Of Being Alive as a whole signifies the hideous, the missed expectations, and the damaging reality of it all that make you wonder if this is what existing and breathing really is.

I might try to write my page about how I feel. I can't reccomend Whitehouse. I don't like this kind of music. But it was "there for me" at a bad time when nothing else was.

rocky41_7

Twice a year I usually do a post recommending fanfiction I've read, but truthfully I have barely read any since my last rec post. Instead of not doing one this fall, I thought I'd do a rec post for original fiction I've read lately. Below are recs from the books I've read in the last two or so years since I got big back into reading!

Crossposted from: tumblr | Pillowfort

F - Fantasy
Fic - General fiction
Mem - Memoir/biographical
NF - Non-fiction
Q - Queer lit
SF - Sci-fi/speculative fiction

Anti-Intellectualism in American Life by Richard Hofstadter - NF - Depressingly, although this book is over sixty years old, it remains relevant. Despite its age, I think it's still very useful in examining the thread of anti-intellectualism which has been woven through American society since the very beginning, and which I think we are all feeling quite prominently right now. (Full review)

To be Taught, if Fortunate by Becky Chambers - SF - While I've had complaints about Chambers' other works, this one satisfies me in how it captures the vastness and the mystery of space. The main characters of this sci-fi are not soldiers or smugglers but scientists, and their wonder and fascination with the world around them is catching and felt like it went to the core of humanity and our curiosity. Definitely one I will reread. (Full review)

Consent: A Memoir by Vanessa Springora - NF - This book takes a strong stomach to read, but Springora's account of her grooming and sexual abuse as a young teenager by a famous writer is a necessary call-out of the ways that powerful adults manipulate children and teenagers, and get away with it. (Full review)

The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin - SF - One of Le Guin's most well-known books, and in my view, it is most deserved. Le Guin captures the core of any qualify sci-fi which is, to me, asking questions about what our world is and what it could be. She is always asking questions, and the questions posed in this one are still relevant today. (Full review)

Dogs of Summer by Andrea Abreu - Fic, Q - As I said in my longer review: this is not a happy book. It is a painful portrait of queer girls on the cusp of adolescence in a small, poor town starting to understand that they are different. Abreu does not back away from the more awkward or grosser parts of childhood and adolescence, which has the incongruous impact of making the story hurt more. (Full review)

A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson - F, Q - As is suggested by the title, there's a level of vampiric melodrama you must enjoy to like this book. If you can take pleasure vampiric tropes played straight and and some over-the-top wailing and sulking by our vamps then you might find this one as enjoyable as I did. (Full review)

The Books of Earthsea: The Complete Illustrated Edition by Ursula K. Le Guin and Charles Vess - F - What can I say about Earthsea that hasn't been said already? These classics of fantasy are heartfelt, touching, and do a wonderful job centering fantasy conflicts other than war. This edition includes new forwards and afterwards by Le Guin herself, from shortly before her death.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison - F - Addison's debut into the fantasy world is memorable. She goes hard on fantasy linguistics and paints rich portrait of her imagined world, centering characters truly trying their best in the midst of some very bad situations. A hopeful, ultimately kind-hearted tale. (Full review)

How I Survived a Chinese Re-Education Camp by Gulbahar Haitiwaji and Rozenn Morgat - NF - The Uighur genocide ongoing in China demands a wider audience, and Haitiwaji's first-person account of the imprisonment and persecution she and her family suffered in her homeland because of their culture and religion is chilling. (Full review)

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami - Fic - A short, punchy novel about a teenage girl's destructive obsession with a boy band and what happens when her favorite member is accused of assaulting a fan. Setting the book in the first person, Usami does a wonderful job getting the reader into her protagonist's foggy head, where little seems clear but the need to support her favorite band. (Full review)]

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin - SF, Q - This book is so riveting that hand to my heart as soon as I finished it the first time, I flipped back to the first page to start it again. Fantastic philosophy, world-building, character and relationship development...this is now one of my all-time favorite books. (Full review)

Loveless by Alice Oseman - Fic, Q - I will fully admit this one is probably here because it hits so close to home for me. Loveless is a coming-of-age novel about a young woman realizing she is aromantic and asexual, despite an adolescence full of steamy romantic daydreams and fanfic obsession. Georgia doesn't really know what to do with that, and it is both painful and touching to watch her discover herself in real time. It's a little cringey at times, but it's from the perspective of an 18-year-old, so how could it be otherwise? (Full review)

The Masquerade series by Seth Dickinson - F, Q - Presently 3 of 4 books in this series are published so this is a great time to dive in before the next one. Dickinson is a master of spinning fantasy politics and intrigue, and his protagonist Baru is simply fascinating to watch. I truly can't wait to see where this one goes in the end! (Full review of book 1, The Traitor Baru Cormorant)

On a Woman's Madness by Astrid H. Roemer - Fic, Q - A cerebral 80s novel about a woman divorcing her husband in Surinam and eventually falling for another woman. Roemer's prose is beautiful but often unclear--is what we're reading really happening? Is it a dream? Is it a memory? For me, that added to its beauty. (Full review)

The Originalism Trap by Madiba K. Dennie - NF - This look at constitutional interpretation in the US is a fantastic read for anyone looking for a better understanding of where the US is at politically, particularly with regards to the Supreme Court. This book is relatively short and understandable even if you don't have a legal background, and provides some hopeful alternative thoughts to the current shitshow. (Full review)

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield - F, Q - This book is a beautiful meditation on grief and loss, threaded through with a poignant fantasy metaphor. It is difficult for me to summarize this one succinctly, except to say that it touched me very deeply. (Full review)

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez - F, Q - Jimenez's creative writing style is not going to land for everyone, but I found it gorgeous and captivating. He does a fantastic job painting us a picture of his world, and the emotional journeys of his two protagonists felt believable and I was rooting for them the whole time. (Full review)

The Twilight Zone by Nona Fernandez - NF, Mem - This book is part memoir, part investigative journalism piece by Fernandez as she looks back at the horrors of the Pinochet dictatorship in Chile. Fernandez so neatly illustrates both the terror of the regime as well as the absurdity almost inherent in any totalitarian government. Her writing is engaging and well-researched. (Full review)

The West Passage by Jared Pechacek - F, Q - This darkly whimsical fantasy adventure tale makes ample and effective use of a medieval European-inspired setting combined with a surreal magic world. I loved questing with Pell and Kew and this book is very interested in interrogating the cost of traditions for tradition's sake. (Full review)

The Witness for the Dead by Katherine Addison - F, Q - A sister novel to The Goblin Emperor, this book sets aside the machinations of the Elflands' government to focus on the trials and tribulations of one weary prelate, Thara Celehar. Witness for the Dead continues to enmesh us in Addison's richly tangible world and I found this book, despite its often dark subject matter, a joy to inhabit. (Full review)

retrogrrrl

The road to being a more amicable person is, well, filled with strange attempts!

Lemme paint the panorama for ya! I was gettin’ my steps in through the park, just jammin’ to some tunes, right? I see that right ahead of me there’s a small group of teen girls, no older than twelve for sure. They were playin’ and shit, and one of them took a tumble and seemingly scraped her knee as she fell down to the ground, real gnarly shit. So naturally I’m like “Oof, alright, let’s see if I can help” ‘cause god knows that I’ve scraped my knee once or twice in that goddamn park myself. Believe me, the wound is never the thing but rather the wounded ego.

I saw ‘em struggling with helpin’ the girl up so I figured they needed an extra hand to lift the girl up and get her to a seat, y’dig? I was ready to scope out if she’ll be alright or if she needed, like, a first aid kid and that pink thingy they poured on me knees when mine were scraped. But by the time I get there, they finally help the girl up! But ‘cause I see the girl still in pain and strugglin’ a bit to stay up, I do the sensible thing and just go:

“Yo, y’all need a hand?”
( Read more... )

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